


Bits and Pieces

by Sincestiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-10 23:42:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7866025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sincestiel/pseuds/Sincestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean hands himself out in bits and pieces.  That's what he does with Sam, what he did with Lisa.  John.  Bobby.  Cassie.  All of them.  Every person who's ever been a part of Dean's life has gotten a little bit of him</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bits and Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> Here's another one that's been sitting for almost three years. I don't even know if it's worth reading. And I'm not sure where I originally intended for it to be set. I don't know where I was in the show at this point. So place it where it might possibly fit in your mind. I wish I would just post stuff as I write it rather than convincing myself it's shit and waiting years to do so. Not beta'd. All mistakes are my own.

Dean hands himself out in bits and pieces. That's what he does with Sam, what he did with Lisa. John. Bobby. Cassie. All of them. Every person who's ever been a part of Dean's life has gotten a little bit of him. But never the whole package. He's never given all he has to offer. Never entrusted one person with the entirety of his being.

Sam gets his love and devotion. His father got his obedience. Bobby his respect. They all get a little bit. Maybe even enough. But they don't get it all. Dean's careful like that. It's a form of self-preservation, Castiel thinks.

But, what Dean doesn't know, can't possibly comprehend, is that Castiel has seen all of him. It may not have been given willingly, and it may not be his to take, but Castiel has seen every bit of Dean. Touched his soul. Put him back together piece by piece.

Dean thinks himself unlovable. He hides his self-hate and perceived shortcomings under layer after layer of cockiness and an egotistical veneer that is almost unbreakable. But he is, at his core, repulsed by himself. And, since his retrieval from the pit, Sam has started to understand this. But, Castiel knows, Sam is erroneously attributing it to the things Dean witnessed and in which he participated during his stay in hell. Castiel, though, knows differently.

It's always been there, Dean's self-loathing. It may be floating closer to the surface in the last few years, but it's not new, nor has it been brought on by his time in hell. It's so deeply ingrained in him that Castiel is certain nothing would ever remove it completely.

It's more difficult now, with his entirely human body, to see into the deepest, darkest recesses of Dean's mind. But not impossible. Whoever said the eyes are the window to the soul had it right. Dean draws the shutters, but there's a crack, a sliver of light in which Castiel can still find insight into the innerworkings of Dean. And maybe it's that connection, that more profound bound of which Castiel once spoke, that lets him in, he isn't sure. But even now, after all this time, Dean still hurts and he still agonizes over his own worthiness of salvation. Sometimes he still thinks he belongs down there, amongst the twisted souls occupying hell. And Castiel still has access to all of him, even if Dean is unaware.

So when the nightmares come, when he whimpers softly in his sleep, Castiel holds him. Sometimes Dean will wake up, and feeling exposed and raw as he does, he will turn to Castiel for physical comforts. Castiel never turns him down.

He opens himself completely to this amazing man. He lets his body be used to temporarily eradicate whatever demons pursue him, whatever ghosts haunt him. He gives himself without preamble and with no reservation. And he enjoys it.

The press of Dean's overheated skin against his own, the slick slide of Dean's tongue, the perfect arch of Dean's body as he thrusts into Castiel as he takes them to new heights. Heights Castiel never could have imagined before this, before Dean and his often crippling but awe inspiring humanity. He is an angel, has flown the world over countless times, soared between Heaven and earth on a whim even, but he's never been as high as Dean takes him. He's never experienced anything as pure and beautiful as Dean above him, inside of him, washing them both clean with their passion. Castiel has never been loved as Dean loves him. Even if it's unspoken. Castiel knows it's there. He can feel it in every touch with which Dean bestows him.

But then, every now and then, Dean doesn't reach out in that manner. Oh, he doesn't talk, doesn't lay himself bare with words, but it's all there anyway. It's visible in the sag of his shoulders and the crinkle of his brow. It's in his shaking hands drawing Castiel closer. It's in the way the holds tightly, like he's terrified Castiel will just get up and walk away. He clings and his tears soak into Castiel's skin, another thing of which they don't speak. And Castiel clings even tighter, trying to show Dean without words that he isn't going anywhere, that he would rather die than fail him again. And it's true. So very true.

So they weather the storm together, bodies rocking with Dean's quiet sobs. And they just hold on as if their very lives depend on not letting go. And maybe that is the case. For Castiel would certainly die without Dean. And Dean... well, Dean would survive, because that's what he does. But Castiel is slowly becoming more essential to him. 

It's taken time and utter devotion, repentance the likes of which he's never even shown his heavenly father, but in all honesty, he craves Dean's forgiveness more. So Castiel has lowered himself even farther than he fell. He's put himself on his knees for this man, both literally and figuratively. He's given everything he has to give, but he takes as well. He takes what Dean offers and he takes things Dean wouldn't dream of freely giving. He has all of Dean. Everything that makes him him. He gets Dean's devotion. And he gets his love. He's earned his respect. He takes Dean's fears and Dean's pain. He keeps all the pieces he's touched close to his heart. And he holds Dean's soul, keeps it safe and as whole as possible. There is not a part of Dean to which Castiel doesn't hold some claim.

He owns Dean, completely and fully. And Dean, possibly unbeknownst to him, owns Castiel. And it doesn't matter that sometimes there are others. It doesn't matter that Dean, rarely anymore, seeks the heat of a body that isn't male in some failing bid to clutch at his heterosexuality. That is coming to an end slowly but surely. And soon, Dean won't be giving little pieces away.

Soon Dean will realize that, since that first touch in the fiery pits of hell, he has belonged completely to Castiel.

**Author's Note:**

> Ugh. So sorry for flooding right now. But there's more to come. I have at least three right now between 2K and 8K that are finished and just need proofreading.


End file.
